Who Are They, Examples and How to Deal with Them

A perfect roommate is a myth! Some roommates are unhygienic, unkind, arrogant, manipulative, toxic, and the list goes on. Living with an inconsiderate or bad roommate is a challenging task especially when you have your own battles to fight, such people not only make you frustrated but also disturb your mental peace (knowingly or unknowingly).

Changing flats again and again or living alone can never be a permanent solution. Then, what to do? Well, if you’re confused about how to deal with a bad roommate, don’t worry; I have got your back. In this blog, we will understand what defines a bad, inconsiderate, manipulative, or toxic roommate and how to deal with them. So, let’s get started!’

Who is a Bad Roommate?

A bad roommate is a type of roommate who is maybe unhygienic, messy, or annoying. For example, suppose you both share the same bathroom and whenever you use the bathroom, you see the bathroom unclean, toiletries scattered all over the counter, and lights always turned on. The fact is that some bad roommates don’t do such things on purpose, instead, they are not even aware of this behavior. Types of bad roommates:

• Inconsiderate: An inconsiderate roommate is someone who doesn’t consider your presence and lives life on their own terms. Due to their unique upbringing, they are not able to understand the needs of others.
• Taker: Such roommates like to borrow things and never return which can be pretty annoying after staying some time with them.
• Ignorer: Such roommates are different and don’t like to take upon duties, they keep on doing things unintentionally and when you explode on them, they play the victim card.
• Irresponsible: An irresponsible roommate is someone who has no urgency to fix anything because they know they have got your back.
• Entitled: An entitled roommate is a type of roommate who feels they deserve more and give less in return.
• Noisemaker: A noisemaker roommate constantly makes noises, throws late-night parties without prior discussion, and has a different lifestyle.
• Slob: A slob roommate is a roommate who has a poor hygiene routine and is not aware of their behavior.
• Passive–aggressive: A roommate who shows bitterness and hostility through expressions is a passive-aggressive roommate. Such roommates fear confrontation and they often leave post-it notes to express their emotions.

Examples of a Bad Roommate

Below listed are some of the common signs of a bad roommate:

• Leaves passive-aggressive notes often
• Borrows your stuff without asking
• Hands off keys to other friends without discussion
• Throws a party and invades your personal space
• Enters your room without permission
• Leaves stale food in the refrigerator
• Refuses to share responsibilities
• Submits bills late
• Gets freaky on your bed or room

Best Ways to Deal with a Manipulative or Toxic Roommate

1. Talk to your roommate honestly

One of the best ways to tackle problems with roommates is to initiate a conversation with them. Ask about their issues, communicate freely, and learn about their side of the story. Maybe they’re stressed and looking for support. While communicating your issues, stay calm, and practice empathy.

2. Explain what’s the problem clearly

Avoid blame games and accusations; instead, put your problems clearly so that they can understand your problems. Don’t attack them and ask them the same. Instead, initiate a conversation with kindness and honesty instead of having arguments. Maintain respect towards each other and focus on communicating your issues to avoid misunderstandings.

3. Actively listen and avoid passing judgments

While communicating your needs in front of your roommate, actively listen to what they are trying to express. If they are not saying anything or not passing any comments, look after their expressions and try to contemplate them.  Additionally, avoid passing judgments quickly instead understand their side of the story and move forward to find a solution.

4. Think about a solution together

Finding a solution together can bring positive changes to your living. While communicating your needs, avoid arguing and stretching things again and again. Instead, focus on finding a solution together. Think if it’s working or not, if you both are ready to work on problems together, plan how you can establish healthy changes within.

5. Set healthy boundaries

Healthy boundaries help define what’s okay and what’s not okay in the home. Therefore, set healthy boundaries with your roommate so that you can both follow and make your space look comfortable, positive, and happy. For example, you can set healthy ground rules such as, “If you’re bringing your friends along, ask first”, and “Whosoever makes the mess will clean first.”

6. Schedule your days mutually

If your concerns are more related to hygiene, cleaning, or cooking, create a schedule mutually. Scheduling days will ensure completed chores. You can make a list of chores; and divide them after discussing and deciding mutually.

7. Set alone time preferably

If you don’t want to be surrounded by people after coming from work or need personal time after studies, you can clearly ask your roommate to not invade your privacy during those hours. Similarly, you can also ask them for alone time so that you both enjoy your privacy without being alone at home.

8. Check-in with their mental health too

Setting boundaries, ground rules, or dividing chores indirectly invades the candidness you both used to share. During this process, never stop being kind or compassionate towards yourself and your roommate. Keep checking on your roommate consistently, ask about their mental health, or simply pick a time to have a chat candidly to keep the positivity alive in the house.

9. Provide space for each other

Keep changing your places, don’t stick to your room or house area, instead explore other options of peace such as balconies, terraces, or other places. You can go to the library or park nearby to find some peace. Don’t force yourself into the bubble; instead, maintain your personality free-flowing.

10. Explore your options mindfully

After putting in effort, if things don’t work accordingly, don’t feel depressed or sad, instead, start exploring new places mindfully. Start looking for places wherein you feel happy and comfortable. Herein, you can also ask your roommate to leave without guilt-tripping yourself. Remember, it’s okay to feel this way and it’s important to look after your mental sanity.

Quick Takeaway: Finding a Better Roommate

If you’re not able to control your feelings and thinking of shifting to a new place, here’s a quick guide to finding a better roommate:

• List down the qualities of an ideal roommate.
• Set ground rules before entering the house.
• Clearly communicate your viewpoints in front of them.
• Be honest with your personality and share what bothers you.

Do you want to add more to this blog, comment down, and share your views on a bad roommate, we can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for reading!